ANECDOTAL BLOG IS ANECDOTAL
Due to ridiculously popular demand, here we are again with yet another little bit of nowhere! People often ask me these days: do you think your exploding pants is karmic retribution for your whole ‘no pants’ ideology? And then to stop me from launching into a 2-hour rant about my ‘no pants’ ideology and how the exploding pants were an obvious and tragically successful attempt by the Evidence Mice to discredit me, they quickly change the subject and ask, “So what sorts of things have you been doing?”
And then I stop mid-rant, think for a moment, and sadly realize I have been doing very little of anything productive. Certainly there’s work, and work makes money to pay the bills, but while I’ve been productive at work, it’s not necessarily something worth bragging about. “Oooh, look at all the luggage I’ve sold today! I was really on fire! I am like the Luggage Emperor today, or something!”
…uh, yeah. If that doesn’t scream ‘one step away from writing bad poetry on MySpace’, damned if I know what does.
But that’s not to say a myriad of smallish, strangish things haven’t crossed my path in the last week or two. Certainly I could have delivered them all in a number of 3-paragraphed blog entries over the last while, but where’s the fun in that?
(Not to mention Mel’s been hoarding the Interwebs these days.)
So brace your bodies and gird your lions (because the notion of lions dressed up in Spartan helmets, cloaks and codpieces makes me laugh), and here we ramble!
I noticed a few days ago that the cosmetic giant M.A.C. has a new covergirl for their make-up line: Dame Edna. I cannot properly express to you how brilliant I find this. Then again, this is the same Dame Edna who has been invited to dinner with the Queen “in full character” at the Queen’s request/orders, and that is sheer win-filled unto itself. I rather doubt I’ll be able to lay claim to anything like that in the later years of my life. The Delmo dress pales so much by comparison.
Yesterday a very nice old lady came into our store wearing a feathery white, square-shaped hat. I wanted so very much to tell her not to move, but an albatross was roosting on her head, but the desire to keep my job prevailed. But after she left the store, I did express to my fellow co-worker that, had I been cruel and unusual (instead of being just unusual), I would have taken two sticky black dots and a rolled, triangular piece of orange construction paper, and taped them onto the back of her hat when she wasn’t looking to make it look like a bird really was on her head.
I know, I know: cruel and unusual.
Yesterday also saw a three year-old boy decide that he did not like the song being played on the radio as he walked into our store, and took it upon himself to change the station altogether. I only learned about this when his not-so-impressed mother brought him over to apologize. Considering the lesson she was trying to impress upon him, I desperately tried not to laugh at what he’d done. It is one of those funny “kids will be kids” moments, you must admit.
In other news, our cat Chance has developed a very uncanny knack for mimicking the trills and purrs of a Mogwai. I’m starting to suspect that, before he belonged to us, he was named Gizmo for a very specific reason…
Chance has also gained the useless mutant ability of innately knowing when a movie or show I am watching is about 10 minutes from ending. Once his 10-minute warning sensor is tripped, he immediately curls up on my lap in an affectionate manner…despite knowing that once the show ends, I will need to get up. And yet every time I’m forced to pry him off my lap, he flashes me a look of equal parts indignant and disbelief that his cuddling session must be so quickly terminated. Oh, if only his mutant ability could be used for good!
Today’s Lesson: Repo! The Genetic Opera is made of equal parts surreal, win and puppet corpses.
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Labels: curse those fiendish Evidence Mice and their exploding pants of not-quite-death, Dame Edna is my vote for the next top model, we don’t have any fucking wafers all we have is this albatross hat
posted by Phillip at 4:43 AM
